Robin Hood announced the launch of his new bow and arrow brand today, just weeks after Thor’s invisa-hammer quietly disappeared from the market. The hammer, which could not be seen by users or bystanders, was widely criticized as confusing and dangerous. Several customers reported being hit by “nothing,” while others said they could not confirm…

Cinderella confirmed today that she will donate handmade lily pads to the Frog Prince’s newly established Compassion Fund, aimed at teaching tadpoles basic empathy. The announcement follows a recent bullying incident in which tadpoles allegedly referred to guppies as “un-hoppable,” triggering what experts are already calling a full-scale pond crisis. Sources say the program will…